Playing The Waiting Game

Waiting is hard. I'm a pretty patient person, so I put the waiting at the back of my mind.

I have to wait for that dreaded radiation treatment. I hear it burns and makes you tired. I'm already tired enough. I don't need to be even more tired. The burning part doesn't sound very enticing, either.

I went to my follow up appointment with my surgeon and everything was okay except the test results on my thyroid had not come back, as expected. So, he wanted me back for another appointment in three weeks. The reason it's so long is to allow time for the results to return as well as the fact that he will be out of town for awhile.

In the meantime, I'm supposed to meet with the radiologist and oncologist. Both of those appointments were supposed to be this week, both appointments had to be moved up. And one of them is in three weeks.

I dread starting all this mess, but at the same time, I'd like to hurry up and get through it. So, I wait. In the meantime, I have some days of normal life and I'm enjoying it.

Today my husband and I took the dogs down to the beach and enjoyed the sunshine and the waves lapping up on the shore.

Yesterday I got to meet with some long distance family members and we had a great time while eating pizza. My brother's wife is from Ukraine and she has just arrived to the United States, along with her daughter. So, it was great to meet her face to face and see my brother again. He's from the Midwest.

Also, my youngest daughter and one of her friends ran a 5K in the Race Against Breast Cancer in Kansas. She ran three miles in thirty-seven minutes. Just for me. That's pretty awesome and I'm very blessed to have so many friends and family looking after me.

Tomorrow I get to go back to my Body & Soul exercise class and I'm excited about that! Now, that will be a normal day! Not being able to go has become a "not normal" in my life.

I've had dinner brought to my house, flowers, gifts and cards sent, and even personal phone calls. I'm just so blessed, so how in the world can I sit around and look at trouble when there is so much good to see.

I continue to try to keep my mind on the Lord and not on the dreaded things that wait ahead for me. If I start to think about these things, I'll get myself so worked up I won't be able to function. But, keeping focused on the Lord and what He does for me, what He has done for me, what He will do for me - those things keep me calm and at peace.

One of my friends told me earlier this week that I'm always so calm about everything. Well, not always. I have my moments. I've had a couple of Poor Pitiful Me cries. But, I have to catch myself. First of all, my particular circumstance is NOTHING compared to what others are going through. It allows me to have a little taste of a much horrible situation. And, secondly, because when I start to feel sorry for myself and allow myself to get depressed, I am taking my eyes off of the Lord and looking in the wrong direction.

The Bible says in Deuteronomy 33:12, "...Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." I am trying to learn, again, how to rest between the love and comfort of His shielding shoulders and just leave everything to Him.  I have three weeks of normal days and I'm going to enjoy them without being tired.