Learning To Be Still

I'm starting to slow down and get fatigued. The nurses say it's too soon, but the doctor seemed to think I knew what I was talking about.  

I went to my Body & Soul exercise class and that evening was so exhausted. The last time I felt that exhausted was when I gave birth to my first child almost forty years ago.!! LOL!! So, I decided to stop exercise classes until I can get back up on my feet again and just stick with small walks and little workouts on my Wii, where I do some balance and yoga stretches. I want to keep active. 

It seems I have heard God telling me a few times this past week, "Be still". So, while my body is slowing down it's activity, I am listening and learning and hearing things from God as He speaks to me. 

Last week I mentioned that I was going to be meeting with a Stephen's minister and I met mine on Tuesday. She is a beautiful spirited lady who prayed with me and listened to me as I poured my heart out to her regarding all the things that a little spot called cancer can change in your life. She is such a blessing to my life and I look forward to meeting with her again. She is a huge support. She helped me to realize that I need to slow down and just take care of myself and that it's okay not to keep up with what I have been doing before my surgery. 

Thursday was my Bible study, but I overslept and wasn't able to make it. I began to realize that my social life is taking a downward spiral. It can be a little lonely sometimes. 

We have people dropping off food from church three days a week, which is a huge help due to the fatigue. It is so nice to see a friendly face, even if it is for just a few moments.

So, I sit and be still and read my books and my Bible and I listen to God and I am learning even more of Who He is. God loves us and wants to have relationship with us and this is the perfect time for me to just sit and be with Him. And, it is then, that I realize that I am not alone. He has told me He is right there with me all along through this whole thing. So, I feel grateful for the opportunity to just be able to sit in my living room and have Him there to be with me, to comfort me, to show me His love. 

If I could see Him sitting over there in that chair, I wouldn't keep reading my books or watching my beloved old black and white movies. I'd be giving Him my undivided attention. And, so, that is what I am learning to do this week - to just visit with Him one on one day after day. It is a rare opportunity in our busy lives to have this time sort of time. I feel bad that I can't keep up with my housework and laundry and other things. But, then, I think here is this awesome opportunity I have just for right now and what a fool I would be to ignore it! 

So who IS God, really? The Bible tells us who He is and the Bible is God's letter to us, as well as our life's manual. The Bible talks about His character that He is just, loving, truthful and holy. The Bible says that God shows compassion, mercy and grace. It says that He judges sin, but that He also is willing to forgive our sins, if we ask Him to do so. 

The Bible talks about God's nature and says that He is One, is a Spirit, but exists as three Persons (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit). The Bible also says He knows everything, exists everywhere and has all power and all authority in heaven and on earth. 

We can see His existence through His work because He created the earth and the sky and planets and stars. And He sustains it all. 

And He sent His Son, Jesus, to earth to die and rise on the third day for our sins so that we could have a relationship with Him.  He wants for all of us to be able to be still and listen to Him and spend time with Him because He loves us. That's all. He just wants to love us. 

So, just for a few moments right now sit and be still and listen for God and see what He might have to share with you. Is He telling you, like He did for me, that He is right there with you for whatever it is you are going through? He says so in the Bible, His letter to you. Have you read it? Have you read all the other things He wants to do for you? Take a few moments to read a little bit and find out.

If you want to know more about a relationship with God, contact me or go to Peace With God to find out more on the subject.  

Until next week....

Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations. 

I will be exalted in the earth!" 

I'ma I'ma Be Alright

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I've been having to fight a funky depression now and then the last couple of weeks, which tells me I'm not keeping my focus on the Lord, but rather my circumstances. It seems it starts whenever I've had doctor appointments. Next week I'll have doctor appointments every day except Monday and then on for the next three to four weeks, So, I need to snap out of. Well...today, I did.

The last couple of days I have focused my mind on God's good promises and it always, always does the trick for me. It gets me back to where I need to be. This morning I woke up in a great mood because I won't have to see a doctor for four days and that's four days of just plain old boring normal life. The sun was shining, which hasn't been doing much here lately, so that was a plus and we had a beautiful breeze coming in from Hurricane Matthew along with temperatures in the low seventies. So, who wants to be in a funk on a day like that?

I made a shopping list for things I needed at a few different stores and headed out with my list. Of course, shopping always puts a girl in a good mood. So, that was fun.

Looking back at my week, it started out gloomy, but very busy - too busy. But, as I look at my calendar now, it really was a good week. Monday I had my beloved Body & Soul exercise class, followed by Tuesday with the dreaded visit to the radiologist's office where I had to get a CT scan. I had never had one before and I was so nervous. Since this whole thing has started, I have had way too many new medical experiences and some of them have not been very nice. So, when anything new comes up, I get a little anxious. But, it was nothing but a piece of cake. It was quick and easy and I really need to stop being anxious because the worst is behind me. I know this in my head, but then there's this other part of my head that has it's doubts and causes me worry.

Tuesday night I went to church and connected with a mentor there. Our church matches women with other women for mentoring and I usually am a mentor, but this time I signed up to be mentored since I do so much mentoring. (Wow! I've overused the word "mentor"!) Anyway, it turns out that my mentor lives right here in my neighborhood, which is a plus for me because if I do get the side effect of fatigue from the radiation, she's like right down the street from me and meeting with her shouldn't be a problem. So, that meeting was fun because not only did I get to meet someone new, but dinner was involved. And our church dinners are prepared by a professional and his food is always divine.

Wednesday afternoon I ended up back at church to meet with a lady that will sign me up with a Stephen's Minister. If you're not familiar with this ministry, it is a group of lay people who have gone through extensive training for nine months who just listen confidentially. I was going to join a cancer support group, but then found out that the Stephen's Ministry has that one on one person for cancer support and I liked the one on one idea versus the whole group thing. Plus, we can meet when it is convenient instead of times already set up. That way, if I'm not feeling quite up to it, it can be re-arranged. So, I look forward to meeting with this lady, as well. It's a good program.

Thursday, it was back to the lab for a bone density scan. Again, something I have never had before. My oncologist wants a baseline because sometimes the radiation can cause bone issues. She had my calcium tested and it was a little low, so now I'm taking some Vitamin D. I figured it would be a bit low because it was so hot and muggy this summer, I stayed in a LOT. Not once did I go to the beach or pool and I usually go often in the summer. It was just too muggy for me. Even the dogs didn't like it.

Next week I find out about my thyroid lab results and start the radiation. Radiation will be sixteen days, Monday through Friday - every day. Eeeek!! Talk about life's little interruptions!

It's also my oldest grandson's twentieth birthday, so I will look forward to that. There are always good things to see and I need to remember to look at the good things and stop sulking.

I need to remember to give my worries and cares over to the Lord and trust Him in everything that concerns me. Even if it's a CT scan. Keeping my focus and being thankful will keep me from fear and worry and darkness. I know God is right here with me through all of this and that He has gone before me, as well. I have peace about my thyroid, so I know that comes from Him. I need to trust Him, thank Him and rest in Him.

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." 

Psalm 118:24

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Being Angry and Learning Humility

This cancer thing is making me angry. I thought I'd get the surgery, get the radiation and then I'm done. No, yesterday, the oncologist tells me that we're going to be married to each other for quite a long time and I want this thing to be over and done with.

Yesterday was my hardest day. I don't know, but for some reason coming back from the first visit of my radiologist, and then yesterday, from my oncologist - I don't know - I just get emotionally exhausted and then angry.

I'm angry because these doctors keep telling me how healthy I am, and I know that. I've worked hard and take pride in the fact that I keep myself healthy. I take no prescription medications and the doctors tell me that, for my age, is not the norm. But, I get angry listening to them telling me all the chemicals and toxins they are going to put into my body. I tell myself, it's temporary and when they are done, I'll do yet another detox.

Yesterday, Dr. Prillaman, my oncologist (whom I love) told me my liver was good. I sat there thinking, "Yeah. I try very hard to take care of my liver. I'm gonna need that puppy to fight for me when I'm very old." Then, she talks to me about the possibility of this medication and that medication and it becomes overwhelming and disheartening.


So, I came home emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed again from yet another doctor visit. My dear husband took me out to dinner, which was a huge help. But, as we were leaving to go, there was a box on the doorstep the postman had left. I opened it and found a little bag of chocolates that was sent to me. It just made my day. That simple bag of chocolates, that little thing was such a huge help to me. It made me realize I'm not alone in this. Not only do I have God right here with me, but I have lots of family who love me and friends who are there to help.

I remembered an email from our Care Pastor at church offering resources if I needed them. At the time, I didn't think I would need help because I usually get though things mostly on my own and with God's help. But, this morning, I emailed him and asked him for the contact information for a cancer support group and maybe help with meals while I'm getting the radiation. I emailed him because I realize I DO need the help of other people and they are there waiting and wanting to help out. When my husband took me to dinner, I realized what a help it was not having to think about what to fix or cook. I didn't have the physical energy and remembered that the Care Pastor offered meals being brought to the house, if I needed.

I've realized that sometimes you can't be strong and do it all yourself. Having been through lots of hard times in life, I've learned independence and how to lean on God, which got me through tough times. But, now, God is wanting me to be a bit more humble and learn how to reach out to others and, instead of giving help, to take it in humility. I know, in doing so, it will bless others in allowing them the opportunity to give.

In listening to God, I will spend my morning praising Him. I know this will cure my funky attitude. I woke up this morning and sang The Doxology to Him before even getting out of bed. Usually, music makes me feel better and the past few days I haven't wanted to listen to any. But, I decided I will listen to some of my favorite praise and worship music even though I don't want to. I'll give praise and thanks to God because that is what He commands and I know, from past experience, this is what will heal my disheartened soul. Praising God chases away the enemy and will allow God to bless my spirit.

Some great Bible verses I am reading this morning for my encouragement (and maybe for yours right now):

Why am I so sad? Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God,and once again I will praise him,my savior and my God. – Psalm 43:5

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me;he freed me from all my fears. The oppressed look to him and are glad; they will never be disappointed. – Psalm 34:4-5

But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles;they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak. – Isaiah 40:31

Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. – Romans 12:12

The Big News

So, I went for my yearly mammogram and it's a good thing I did. (If you haven't, go!) Usually, I get a phone call with a follow up letter that says everything is A-OK and they look forward to seeing me again next year.

But, this time was different. This time I got a phone call to come back in. They wanted a biopsy. They found a little something. I wasn't worried. They've found somethings before, but never a biopsy. So, okay, I'll play along.

The next phone call was asking me to come in and speak with the doctor. I knew, now, that it wasn't going to be good. The doctor let me know the results from the biopsy came back positive and blah, blah, blah - that's about all I heard for awhile. She left the room and I was sitting there with a Nurse Navigator (Kathy) and my husband. The Nurse Navigator began to explain everything to me and it was way over my head, but I listened. I really didn't want to be educated in this. Just get the thing out.

I love my Nurse Navigator. I think her role is so cool. She is assigned to me for anything I need, any questions I have to ask, any support. We hit it off and I look forward to working with her.

I looked over at my husband while she was talking. My main concern was what he was going through at the moment. He had lost his brother and his best friend to cancer within six months of each other a few years ago and I just wanted to hug him and tell him it would be okay. (I did later.) I didn't want him to go through this all over again. But, the look on his face told me that he was doing okay with the information we were being given. (Cancer doesn't affect just the patient. It affects everyone who knows the person that has it. I hate it!)

But, as my nurse kept talking, things started sounded positive and okay. I didn't feel dread or awful when I left the room. It was one of those things that smack you in the face on a beautiful and day and you think to yourself, "Okay, now what?" I knew God was with me. He had let me know that He is with me through all of this (and that is what I want to share on this blog) and that He has gone before me.

God had let me know that He was before me that day even before I left that room because it turns out that Nurse Navigator Kathy shares the same faith that I do and loves God just as much as I do. She's my sister in Christ and I truly believe that God went before me and had her assigned to me that day just to let me know He's got this.

At first, I didn't let this stuff get to me during the day, but at night when I laid down to sleep, my mind would start to race and my head kept hearing the words over and over "breast cancer, breast cancer". Based on 2 Corinthians 10:5, which says to take every captive thought to Christ, I decided this was not God's will for my mind to continue doing this and started to fight this thing as a spiritual battle, which I believe all disease is. The Bible says, "no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD and their vindication from me, declares the LORD". (Isaiah 54:17 ESV)

That "weapon" is disease and I condemn it based on the words of Scripture, in the name of Jesus. His name has authority over ALL sickness and disease and He is bigger than any of that. Jehovah Rapha is the Lord who heals and is my Great Physician.

In reading my Bible, I looked up a lot of verses where Jesus went about healing people. Did you realize that every time He was healing people He healed ALL the people? He didn't turn anyone away. Even when He was tired, He would still take the time and effort to heal ALL the people. He doesn't want us sick. Our bodies are not our own and, as a Christian, we are housing the Holy Spirit. Light and dark don't exist together and my God has got this!

So, I'm okay with The Big News. I'm just going to have a little outpatient surgery and possibly some radiology. God has given me peace and assurance and I don't have to worry about my husband or any thing at all, but I know God has this! He had it two-thousand years ago at the cross when He died for my sin and disease. He healed EVERYTHING right then and there and that's why He said "It is finished". His work was done. He doesn't have to work on me
today, because He already did that for me years ago.

Romans 8:11 says, "If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you."  Wow! That is awesome! Doesn't that just give you chills all over? God is so good.

I just love this song. Click the link and listen to it. The words are powerful and so positive.

Thanks for reading my blog. Please leave your comments and questions, if you have any, and come back for more. Share with others, if you find any thing inspiring. I hope there is inspiration in these words.

And thanks to all my friends and family for all the wonderful support. I know you will all be there for me as I go on this adventure.