Learning To Be Still

I'm starting to slow down and get fatigued. The nurses say it's too soon, but the doctor seemed to think I knew what I was talking about.  

I went to my Body & Soul exercise class and that evening was so exhausted. The last time I felt that exhausted was when I gave birth to my first child almost forty years ago.!! LOL!! So, I decided to stop exercise classes until I can get back up on my feet again and just stick with small walks and little workouts on my Wii, where I do some balance and yoga stretches. I want to keep active. 

It seems I have heard God telling me a few times this past week, "Be still". So, while my body is slowing down it's activity, I am listening and learning and hearing things from God as He speaks to me. 

Last week I mentioned that I was going to be meeting with a Stephen's minister and I met mine on Tuesday. She is a beautiful spirited lady who prayed with me and listened to me as I poured my heart out to her regarding all the things that a little spot called cancer can change in your life. She is such a blessing to my life and I look forward to meeting with her again. She is a huge support. She helped me to realize that I need to slow down and just take care of myself and that it's okay not to keep up with what I have been doing before my surgery. 

Thursday was my Bible study, but I overslept and wasn't able to make it. I began to realize that my social life is taking a downward spiral. It can be a little lonely sometimes. 

We have people dropping off food from church three days a week, which is a huge help due to the fatigue. It is so nice to see a friendly face, even if it is for just a few moments.

So, I sit and be still and read my books and my Bible and I listen to God and I am learning even more of Who He is. God loves us and wants to have relationship with us and this is the perfect time for me to just sit and be with Him. And, it is then, that I realize that I am not alone. He has told me He is right there with me all along through this whole thing. So, I feel grateful for the opportunity to just be able to sit in my living room and have Him there to be with me, to comfort me, to show me His love. 

If I could see Him sitting over there in that chair, I wouldn't keep reading my books or watching my beloved old black and white movies. I'd be giving Him my undivided attention. And, so, that is what I am learning to do this week - to just visit with Him one on one day after day. It is a rare opportunity in our busy lives to have this time sort of time. I feel bad that I can't keep up with my housework and laundry and other things. But, then, I think here is this awesome opportunity I have just for right now and what a fool I would be to ignore it! 

So who IS God, really? The Bible tells us who He is and the Bible is God's letter to us, as well as our life's manual. The Bible talks about His character that He is just, loving, truthful and holy. The Bible says that God shows compassion, mercy and grace. It says that He judges sin, but that He also is willing to forgive our sins, if we ask Him to do so. 

The Bible talks about God's nature and says that He is One, is a Spirit, but exists as three Persons (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit). The Bible also says He knows everything, exists everywhere and has all power and all authority in heaven and on earth. 

We can see His existence through His work because He created the earth and the sky and planets and stars. And He sustains it all. 

And He sent His Son, Jesus, to earth to die and rise on the third day for our sins so that we could have a relationship with Him.  He wants for all of us to be able to be still and listen to Him and spend time with Him because He loves us. That's all. He just wants to love us. 

So, just for a few moments right now sit and be still and listen for God and see what He might have to share with you. Is He telling you, like He did for me, that He is right there with you for whatever it is you are going through? He says so in the Bible, His letter to you. Have you read it? Have you read all the other things He wants to do for you? Take a few moments to read a little bit and find out.

If you want to know more about a relationship with God, contact me or go to Peace With God to find out more on the subject.  

Until next week....

Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God. 

I will be exalted among the nations. 

I will be exalted in the earth!" 

An Overwhelming Week & Now, Thyroid Cancer!

This week has been very busy, as I started my radiation treatments, followed by my doctor's visit for the lab results on my thyroid, which shows I have an unusual type of thyroid cancer. Don't ask me what it is because the name is too long and I can't pronounce it. Dr. Times didn't want to discuss the thyroid condition with me just yet. We're going to wait until after the radiation treatments are over. But, I WILL have surgery and he doesn't know yet if he will have to remove the entire thyroid or just up to half of it.

If I have to have the whole thing removed, then I have to take thyroid hormones the rest of my life. I dread the thought of taking a pill for the rest of my days. How irritating. But, if he can leave up to half of it, then I won't have to do anything. So, I am praying that he doesn't have to take the whole thing. He also said there might be some hoarseness as a side effect since the thyroid is so close to the voice box. That, also, might be fun to live with. But, hey, it's still a voice. :-)

My week started out fun on Monday when I met a supportive group of ladies for lunch at Cracker Barrel. We always have such a good time together. I left with a nice flower arrangement and a loaf of pumpkin bread. Yummy!

Tuesday was my oldest grandson's twentieth birthday. We had celebrated on Sunday with a nice family dinner and a few gifts. Since he lives in the next town over, I didn't actually get to see him on his birthday, but he said he had a nice day. I can't believe I have a grandchild that old. I don't feel that old!

Also on Tuesday, I met with a mentor to help me with my mentoring. We sat and talked for about an hour at her house. I met her through a church ministry and we found out we live in the same neighborhood, just down the street from each other. She walked me home when we were finished with our visit. I look forward to meeting with her. We're going to be looking at a book called, Mentor: How Along-The-Way Discipleship Will Change Your Life by Chuck Lawless. It looks like it's going to be a good study.

Wednesday I went to see my radiologist, Dr. Chism, where they did a practice run on my treatment. There's a lot of accurate measuring that they need to do and it also helped me see what to expect when I go in for my treatments.

Thursday was my first of sixteen treatments and it was so stressful. It's really not so bad, but I guess it's just the not knowing and doing something for the first time. The techs are very friendly, supportive and helpful. They do everything they can to try to make me relax.

On Friday, for my second treatment, they let my husband come back there with me. Of course, he has to leave the room when they do when they start the machine, but it was comforting just to have someone I know back there with me. And they play music for me. So far I've chosen to listen to Andrea Bocelli and I might continue to chose him. By the time he sings less than two songs, my treatment is over. It's that quick. But, it takes them a few minutes to get me situated just right so that all the measurements add up to the computer and the machine. That takes longer than the treatment!

I had been told that the treatments would make me tired and by the second one, I felt the fatigue. A friend of mine from church brought dinner over to us on Friday and it was such a huge help with the stress and being so tired.

Today, Saturday, a friend of mine from my former MOPS (Mothers Of Preschoolers) group, along with my radiology techs, ran a 5K in the Beyond Boobs run. I wanted to get down there, but was too tired to make it. It was cold when they started running, but I'm sure they warmed up soon.

This week has been stressful and it is very hard not being near my family and especially my children. My husband goes with me to each appointment and helps around the house. And God has been so gracious to give me His assurance and let me know that I am covered by the many, many prayers that are being prayed on my behalf. He lets me know that He is right there with me and when I am in that radiation treatment room, I am not in there by myself. I am so glad I have chosen to have a relationship with God.

If you don't have a relationship with God, you are probably thinking I'm crazy or wondering how in the world can someone have a relationship with a Spirit. God created us in His image, so you have a relationship with Him just like you do any other friend you have. You talk with Him (prayer) and you listen to Him by reading the letter and life manual He left for us, the Bible. As you get to know Him better, you will learn how to hear Him.

Send me an email if you'd like to know more or go to Peace With God to learn more. God loves us all and just wants to be there for us in the good times and in the bad and He will. If you have Him in your life, you will have peace even in the hard times, just like I do. It makes getting through the hard times so much easier.

Therefore you are great, O Lord God. For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears.

2 Samuel 7:22 ESV

I'ma I'ma Be Alright

Hey, if you wanna subscribe, just enter your email address right there at the top right of the screen. Every time I post, it will come to your email. You can unsubscribe anytime and I won't see if you are subscribed or not. Just wanted to make sure y'all knew because I know some of you are faithful readers. On with the blog...

I've been having to fight a funky depression now and then the last couple of weeks, which tells me I'm not keeping my focus on the Lord, but rather my circumstances. It seems it starts whenever I've had doctor appointments. Next week I'll have doctor appointments every day except Monday and then on for the next three to four weeks, So, I need to snap out of. Well...today, I did.

The last couple of days I have focused my mind on God's good promises and it always, always does the trick for me. It gets me back to where I need to be. This morning I woke up in a great mood because I won't have to see a doctor for four days and that's four days of just plain old boring normal life. The sun was shining, which hasn't been doing much here lately, so that was a plus and we had a beautiful breeze coming in from Hurricane Matthew along with temperatures in the low seventies. So, who wants to be in a funk on a day like that?

I made a shopping list for things I needed at a few different stores and headed out with my list. Of course, shopping always puts a girl in a good mood. So, that was fun.

Looking back at my week, it started out gloomy, but very busy - too busy. But, as I look at my calendar now, it really was a good week. Monday I had my beloved Body & Soul exercise class, followed by Tuesday with the dreaded visit to the radiologist's office where I had to get a CT scan. I had never had one before and I was so nervous. Since this whole thing has started, I have had way too many new medical experiences and some of them have not been very nice. So, when anything new comes up, I get a little anxious. But, it was nothing but a piece of cake. It was quick and easy and I really need to stop being anxious because the worst is behind me. I know this in my head, but then there's this other part of my head that has it's doubts and causes me worry.

Tuesday night I went to church and connected with a mentor there. Our church matches women with other women for mentoring and I usually am a mentor, but this time I signed up to be mentored since I do so much mentoring. (Wow! I've overused the word "mentor"!) Anyway, it turns out that my mentor lives right here in my neighborhood, which is a plus for me because if I do get the side effect of fatigue from the radiation, she's like right down the street from me and meeting with her shouldn't be a problem. So, that meeting was fun because not only did I get to meet someone new, but dinner was involved. And our church dinners are prepared by a professional and his food is always divine.

Wednesday afternoon I ended up back at church to meet with a lady that will sign me up with a Stephen's Minister. If you're not familiar with this ministry, it is a group of lay people who have gone through extensive training for nine months who just listen confidentially. I was going to join a cancer support group, but then found out that the Stephen's Ministry has that one on one person for cancer support and I liked the one on one idea versus the whole group thing. Plus, we can meet when it is convenient instead of times already set up. That way, if I'm not feeling quite up to it, it can be re-arranged. So, I look forward to meeting with this lady, as well. It's a good program.

Thursday, it was back to the lab for a bone density scan. Again, something I have never had before. My oncologist wants a baseline because sometimes the radiation can cause bone issues. She had my calcium tested and it was a little low, so now I'm taking some Vitamin D. I figured it would be a bit low because it was so hot and muggy this summer, I stayed in a LOT. Not once did I go to the beach or pool and I usually go often in the summer. It was just too muggy for me. Even the dogs didn't like it.

Next week I find out about my thyroid lab results and start the radiation. Radiation will be sixteen days, Monday through Friday - every day. Eeeek!! Talk about life's little interruptions!

It's also my oldest grandson's twentieth birthday, so I will look forward to that. There are always good things to see and I need to remember to look at the good things and stop sulking.

I need to remember to give my worries and cares over to the Lord and trust Him in everything that concerns me. Even if it's a CT scan. Keeping my focus and being thankful will keep me from fear and worry and darkness. I know God is right here with me through all of this and that He has gone before me, as well. I have peace about my thyroid, so I know that comes from Him. I need to trust Him, thank Him and rest in Him.

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." 

Psalm 118:24

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Being Angry and Learning Humility

This cancer thing is making me angry. I thought I'd get the surgery, get the radiation and then I'm done. No, yesterday, the oncologist tells me that we're going to be married to each other for quite a long time and I want this thing to be over and done with.

Yesterday was my hardest day. I don't know, but for some reason coming back from the first visit of my radiologist, and then yesterday, from my oncologist - I don't know - I just get emotionally exhausted and then angry.

I'm angry because these doctors keep telling me how healthy I am, and I know that. I've worked hard and take pride in the fact that I keep myself healthy. I take no prescription medications and the doctors tell me that, for my age, is not the norm. But, I get angry listening to them telling me all the chemicals and toxins they are going to put into my body. I tell myself, it's temporary and when they are done, I'll do yet another detox.

Yesterday, Dr. Prillaman, my oncologist (whom I love) told me my liver was good. I sat there thinking, "Yeah. I try very hard to take care of my liver. I'm gonna need that puppy to fight for me when I'm very old." Then, she talks to me about the possibility of this medication and that medication and it becomes overwhelming and disheartening.


So, I came home emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed again from yet another doctor visit. My dear husband took me out to dinner, which was a huge help. But, as we were leaving to go, there was a box on the doorstep the postman had left. I opened it and found a little bag of chocolates that was sent to me. It just made my day. That simple bag of chocolates, that little thing was such a huge help to me. It made me realize I'm not alone in this. Not only do I have God right here with me, but I have lots of family who love me and friends who are there to help.

I remembered an email from our Care Pastor at church offering resources if I needed them. At the time, I didn't think I would need help because I usually get though things mostly on my own and with God's help. But, this morning, I emailed him and asked him for the contact information for a cancer support group and maybe help with meals while I'm getting the radiation. I emailed him because I realize I DO need the help of other people and they are there waiting and wanting to help out. When my husband took me to dinner, I realized what a help it was not having to think about what to fix or cook. I didn't have the physical energy and remembered that the Care Pastor offered meals being brought to the house, if I needed.

I've realized that sometimes you can't be strong and do it all yourself. Having been through lots of hard times in life, I've learned independence and how to lean on God, which got me through tough times. But, now, God is wanting me to be a bit more humble and learn how to reach out to others and, instead of giving help, to take it in humility. I know, in doing so, it will bless others in allowing them the opportunity to give.

In listening to God, I will spend my morning praising Him. I know this will cure my funky attitude. I woke up this morning and sang The Doxology to Him before even getting out of bed. Usually, music makes me feel better and the past few days I haven't wanted to listen to any. But, I decided I will listen to some of my favorite praise and worship music even though I don't want to. I'll give praise and thanks to God because that is what He commands and I know, from past experience, this is what will heal my disheartened soul. Praising God chases away the enemy and will allow God to bless my spirit.

Some great Bible verses I am reading this morning for my encouragement (and maybe for yours right now):

Why am I so sad? Why am I so troubled? I will put my hope in God,and once again I will praise him,my savior and my God. – Psalm 43:5

Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. – Matthew 11:28

I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me;he freed me from all my fears. The oppressed look to him and are glad; they will never be disappointed. – Psalm 34:4-5

But those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles;they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak. – Isaiah 40:31

Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times. – Romans 12:12

Playing The Waiting Game

Waiting is hard. I'm a pretty patient person, so I put the waiting at the back of my mind.

I have to wait for that dreaded radiation treatment. I hear it burns and makes you tired. I'm already tired enough. I don't need to be even more tired. The burning part doesn't sound very enticing, either.

I went to my follow up appointment with my surgeon and everything was okay except the test results on my thyroid had not come back, as expected. So, he wanted me back for another appointment in three weeks. The reason it's so long is to allow time for the results to return as well as the fact that he will be out of town for awhile.

In the meantime, I'm supposed to meet with the radiologist and oncologist. Both of those appointments were supposed to be this week, both appointments had to be moved up. And one of them is in three weeks.

I dread starting all this mess, but at the same time, I'd like to hurry up and get through it. So, I wait. In the meantime, I have some days of normal life and I'm enjoying it.

Today my husband and I took the dogs down to the beach and enjoyed the sunshine and the waves lapping up on the shore.

Yesterday I got to meet with some long distance family members and we had a great time while eating pizza. My brother's wife is from Ukraine and she has just arrived to the United States, along with her daughter. So, it was great to meet her face to face and see my brother again. He's from the Midwest.

Also, my youngest daughter and one of her friends ran a 5K in the Race Against Breast Cancer in Kansas. She ran three miles in thirty-seven minutes. Just for me. That's pretty awesome and I'm very blessed to have so many friends and family looking after me.

Tomorrow I get to go back to my Body & Soul exercise class and I'm excited about that! Now, that will be a normal day! Not being able to go has become a "not normal" in my life.

I've had dinner brought to my house, flowers, gifts and cards sent, and even personal phone calls. I'm just so blessed, so how in the world can I sit around and look at trouble when there is so much good to see.

I continue to try to keep my mind on the Lord and not on the dreaded things that wait ahead for me. If I start to think about these things, I'll get myself so worked up I won't be able to function. But, keeping focused on the Lord and what He does for me, what He has done for me, what He will do for me - those things keep me calm and at peace.

One of my friends told me earlier this week that I'm always so calm about everything. Well, not always. I have my moments. I've had a couple of Poor Pitiful Me cries. But, I have to catch myself. First of all, my particular circumstance is NOTHING compared to what others are going through. It allows me to have a little taste of a much horrible situation. And, secondly, because when I start to feel sorry for myself and allow myself to get depressed, I am taking my eyes off of the Lord and looking in the wrong direction.

The Bible says in Deuteronomy 33:12, "...Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders." I am trying to learn, again, how to rest between the love and comfort of His shielding shoulders and just leave everything to Him.  I have three weeks of normal days and I'm going to enjoy them without being tired.

At Last! An Update!

I'm sorry I haven't been able to let you know how the surgery went. My right arm has been rather sore and sometimes swollen, so I thought I had better wait.

Lab results are in and they are good. All margins show no sign of cancer and the lymph nodes are also free of cancer, so it didn't spread anywhere. I'm praising God and His goodness for His healing, a wonderful medical team and great people in my life. God has given me comfort and assurance the whole way through. He is so good. My assurance has been so strong that when the news came, I really wasn't excited at all. It was more like, "I already knew that" type of thing. Everyone I'm telling is happy and excited and I'm just like, "I knew it". How sweet of God to be so comforting to me.

My thyroid tests were sent back for further examination and those results will be given to me at my follow up appointment. I'm sure whatever is going on with that little organ is manageable.

I am SO glad I went to get my mammogram. I usually do. But, this just tells you how important it is to keep current.

When I woke up in recovery, my youngest daughter was here. She had flown out from the Midwest and it was good to see her face. She was able to stay just a few days - the long weekend - and she was a tremendous help. She cooked our dinner and took good care of me. I was glad she was here for Larry's sake, as well, as he has been a bit overwhelmed. We didn't get to spend too much time together, as the weekend seemed to fly by, but we enjoyed being together.

Sunday, my grandson came over with his girlfriend and her little boy and we all had a nice Sunday dinner together. I had wanted to go to church, but didn't have the energy to do so. It was tiring to have everyone over, but it was nice that we could all be together.

My daughter went back home on Monday. I cried about five or six times after she left. I need so much to be able to live near my children. I need them. I miss them. It's just so hard at certain times in life. So, I let myself mourn that little bit of a loss and then called my brother so I could "get over it".

Each day I get a little better and a little stronger. It's amazing the daily changes I see in my body. I use an infrared light stim to help with the healing and bruising. I have very little bruising because of the light. I'm taking some things to help my body detox from all the chemicals that they put into my system. I'm using a rooibus tea with a few herbs and I'm drinking lemon throughout the day and also eating some yogurt every day for some probiotics. I'm also making simmering some bone broth, as we speak, to sip on for a good detox.

The other day, Larry and I went for a very short walk. I was very tired yesterday and didn't go walking. Today seemed a lot better, so I was able to walk for about fifteen minutes. I was hoping to go to my exercise class and just walk with them while they worked out, but didn't have the energy. So, I was glad when I got that walk in.

Friends have stopped by, which has really lifted my spirits, and I have loved having the company. Although I'm quiet, I'm a people person and being alone is very hard for me - even on a good day. I usually just find things to do to keep me busy if I find myself too lonely. So, I have appreciated the visits.

Yesterday I ventured out on my own and went to my Bible study. I may have over done it because I am feeling it today. But, it was so great to see all the friends I had not seen over the summer months.

In studying my Bible today, I was reading about how Christians are overcomers through Christ, not only in life here on earth, but also in our eternal future when we go to live in Heaven with God. I love the promises that God gives to us as overcomers. Please, please listen to my song today, if you don't normally listen to the one I share. It says so much about overcoming the stuff life brings us. Watch it all the way to the end and you will see one of the promises that is given to overcomers.

I just want to say thank you to all the love and support from everyone. You all have been a huge help.

My favorite Bible verse, I just wanted to share with you, is so appropriate for this time in my life:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."   That's some pretty cool plans. :-)

Day Before Surgery & Ya Gotta Have Friends

First of all, I'd like to say, thanks for reading my blog. I have a lot more readers than anticipated.  I put up a link where you can subscribe so it will come to your email when I put up a new post. There's also an RSS feed button, if you use those. These can be found on the right side of the page above the Snoopy picture. Let me know if you have any problems. I've followed the directions, which were simple, but that doesn't mean I know what I'm doing. Hopefully, these will make it easier for you to find my new posts.

It's my day before surgery and I have moments of anxiousness. I'm keeping busy around the house and doing some things to get ready for the surgery. My daughter is coming from Kansas and I'm also getting things ready for her quick visit. I keep my mind on her arrival instead of The Day of the Unknown.

I've talked with several ladies who have gone through this before me and it sounds like it's not as bad as I am anticipating. Why do we do that to ourselves? Why do fear the unknown? I don't think the unknown has ever been as bad as I anticipated. So, I concentrate on what my friends have told me and keep that in front of me when I start to get anxious.

I need to remember to continue my dependence on the Lord during this adventure. That way, my perspective will be clear and focused on where I should be looking instead of looking at myself and ending up depressed. Focusing on ourselves never leads to happiness or contentment.

I've had a great week. I had a girls night out, which was totally fun. We all had a great time together and hated to part company. It really was good medicine for all of us.

I've had a few little gifts of love, some jokes, cartoons, funny posts. I've appreciated each and every one of them. I've had people that I don't know contact me just to let me know they are thinking of me and are keeping me in prayer. Cherished friends and family from far away are sending me messages of love and encouragement.

My exercise class prayed over me the other day and that was such a blessing. Those ladies are such a huge encouragement. I am blessed to be part of that group. We always have such great music that offer fortitude, inspiration and reassurance. (Click that "music" link to listen to one of my favorites.) If you haven't tried Body & Soul, I encourage you to do so, if you have a class in your area.

Ladies I haven't seen over the summer months have sent emails of encouragement and prayers.

You all have been a huge help and it is more blessed than I can express to know that I have such a great community of loving friends and family. Each one of you are dear to my heart. Thank you for the love, encouragement and prayer support. Here's a little friend video from me to you as a show of appreciation.

I look forward to tomorrow afternoon when my surgery is over, my daughter is here and I am home. It's Labor Day weekend and I hope to have a cook out with my family. What are your plans for Labor Day?

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me...For when I am weak, then I am strong." I Corinthians 12:9 & 10